Drugged Out of My Mind

I see white people. All the time. They're blurry and they keep offering me drugs ...

They took me back for my surgery around 10AM Thursday morning. I had been waiting for about 2 hours and was getting a bit irritated because I had not eaten anything since 8:30 PM the night before. I was also awake for much of Thursday morning, so my hunger level was pretty high. The nurse that came and got me actually lived a block or so from my parents’ house (she recognized my street name from my intake bracelet). She was a nicer version of the Wolf from Pulp Fiction (if I am curt with you, I apologize, but time is of the essence). She gave me some pills and about 1.5 ounces of water (did I mention I was very thirsty too?). She prepped me for surgery and introduced me to some important people like the guy who would be giving me the good drugs. The IV went smoothly and I showed her the bruising and discoloration around the area where I got blood drawn on Monday. She told me that as long as I was nice to her, especially since she had access to needles and my person when I was unconscious, she would not harm me now or in the near future. Then she made me get undressed and put on an awful looking hospital gown. Dr. Kirk came in briefly and then went to speak to my parents while the nurse shaved my lower left leg. She also began hitting me with a bit of a drug cocktail under the supervision of the anesthesiologist. I was feeling decent by the time I got the operating room and they told me to breathe deeply in the oxygen rich environment. I made it a few more minutes while babbling incoherently before passing out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting up in recovery and my throat was a bit scratched up and my vision was blurry (thanks to them taking my glasses). Another nurse came over and asked how I was feeling. When I told her I was thirsty and hungry, she came back with 4 saltine crackers and about 3 ounces of diet soda. I sipped up the diet soda quickly, so she got me some more. I became more lucid, but remember singing part of A Whole New World when the nurse spent too much time at the nurses’ station chatting with coworkers. I was so ready to get out of there, but they made me wait a bit longer before telling me I could get dressed. My parents came into the room and the nurse came back a few minutes later to go over some instructions. She asked me if I wanted to be wheeled out and I told her my insurance was top notch and would cover it. They discharged me and we stopped to get some wings on the way home as well as shop around for a large cuffed blood pressure monitor. The 24” pythons won’t fit into a standard medium-sized cuff. I couldn’t get one locally, so I ordered one online. I’m supposed to keep the leg elevated, but not as severely as before. My next doctors’ visits are Monday the 28th. I’ll see my PCP in the morning so that she can make sure the blood pressure meds are working and I’ll do the EKG and have blood drawn to test cholesterol levels. I have an appointment with the Ortho surgeon in the afternoon and they will unwrap the splint and hopefully get me back to my walking cast. A few more days of elevation at that point should get me back to work. I’ll be at the parents’ house until Sunday most likely and then back to my house for the remainder of the recovery. See you in the funny pages.